magic portals

I had a scrolling addiction. 

After graduating college, I moved back home and didn't have the social interaction like I did before. I wasn't surrounded by friends, going out every weekend, and only seeing my boyfriend once a month. I was lonely and isolated, working and taking a couple night classes a week. 

I turned to my phone who became my best friend. My phone was like a portal to seeing the lives of other people. I was able to just click on social media and see what everyone else was doing. I was able to FaceTime any of my friends and it offered a window to see what they were doing that exact moment. I could click on Youtube and fall into the mesmerizing life of an aesthetic, exciting influencer. 

But the more I grew used to relying on my "magical portal" the more I grew distant with the real, tangible things in my life. I started becoming aware of the anxiety bubbling up inside me whenever I didn't check my phone for 20 minutes. I started comparing the lows of my life with someone's highlights. I became hyper fixated with other people's lives when I should be focusing on my own. My attention span was decreasing as I wasn't able to sit still without the constant stimulation of my phone. I wasn't in tune with my emotions, distracting myself with Instagram reels whenever I was procrastinating doing something. The more I scrolled and the more I stayed online, the more of a zombie I felt. I felt like a hollowed out human with only a shell of my body and nothing inside. 

When the new year came around, I vowed to detach myself from my portal. I wanted to be more present in my life since I am so young and it would be a shame to waste my youth watching a screen. I expressed to my boyfriend how I didn't want to become a slave to my phone, relying on it just like a drug addict would rely on their substances. He immediately agreed with me and said he wanted to do the same, so we came up with a challenge to only use our phones for less than 2 hours a day. He found this app where you can lock all your unnecessary apps, forcing you to do a push up, a squat or a breathing exercise in order to open it again. 

It really helped me detach myself from the toxic world online and I was able to use my phone for an hour and a half a day. At first it was extremely difficult, because my brain would be screaming for stimulation, distraction and the satisfying feeling of sitting in my bed and scrolling endlessly. 

But the more I ignored that withdrawal feeling, the more I began to notice things I didn't notice before. I hadn't notice the new mole on my dad's left cheek from aging over the years. I hadn't notice that my skin and hair needed to be taken care of more often. I hadn't notice that my house could be quite cozy and warm even though it is extremely small. I hadn't notice the really pretty orange tree growing outside of my painting teacher's house. I didn't notice the stress and bustling environment pizza workers had to work in when I was waiting to pick up my pizza. I can now recall where I parked my car for the day since I have trouble recalling short-term information. 

Being away from my phone, I feel that I am better at being aware of people's emotions, how my sentences can easily affect them if I don't choose my words wisely. 

Everything seemed more peaceful and quiet, with only some lingering thoughts floating in my mind from the day. It was easier to name the emotion I was feeling after a long day, my decisions seem to be more clear and sharp, as if I exercised for five hours straight. 

It's nice, really, to feel at ease and notice the small things in my life. I am naturally a very anxious person, but now I am able to work on the emotions I am feeling instead of grabbing my phone to distract myself. 

Ferris Bueller once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." I never understood this quote when I was younger, but now I understand how important it is to live your life to the fullest. Being alive means being able to accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. 

And it all starts with putting down your phone. 

Karina Ip    February 11th, 2025